Dreams: Sigmund's Theory

     As some of us know, Sigmund Freud(1856-1939) was a psychologist who studied the mind structure, concepts of unconsciousness and the fundamental properties that occur during a dream. He believed that dreams were representations of what we've encountered in our consciousness that has taken part of our subconsciousness, like memories and emotions. There had been numerous arguments stating that dreams consisted symbolism. Another argument was that dreams were neural impulses which sparked the brain active and tried to create sense to whatever the Dreamer is dreaming.

     Most of my dreams don't particularly have ever made any sense. I start off someplace doing something then end at another place still doing the same thing, if that made any sense...

     A few weeks ago, I had this dream where I was walking to the men's bathroom at some mall. I took a sip of water by the fountain separating the two gender segregated restrooms. This was to look casual to the public but make my decision without really thinking about it in the dream. I ended up going to the men's bathroom anyways. Opened the door and saw two guys at a urinal, staring at the elongated mirror that stretched from one end of the restroom to the other end. I felt awkward so I turned to look at the ceiling and then walked the other way around. I walked out thinking about using the women's bathroom but it came to the point where one of the guys that I encountered in the restroom was on his way towards me. I wasn't sure what to think or how to react. He just took me by the collar to his face and started with, "You like looking at dick? You a homo?". I couldn't respond because I was scared my voice would give me away. He shook his head like I've done something so wrong. Then he took me by the hair and dragged me back into the men's bathroom. He threw me on the floor and kicked me numerous times and then responded with, "I'll give you what you deserve." And at that moment, he started undoing his pants. I knew where this was going and I wasn't going to let it happen. I was scared for my life, I made the dangerous choice to run for it. I ran out of the restroom and into a department store with a circular coat rack. I hid in the middle and tried to keep quiet. I screamed and broke into tears when the clothes suddenly spread apart revealing my location. I soon found out that it was my partner, Lillian. I ran into her arms and held onto her, never letting her go or answering any of her questions. I just responded with, "Let's go home." And so we left. 

     I woke up crying because out of all honesty, I am scared that something like that would happen. I know for a fact that I don't look like a guy. I still look like a girl. Not that it causes any dysphoria but I can't submit myself to separate from the female stereotype when the social norms contribute in a daunting manner. I can't do it. I'm not ready just yet to do something that can impose risk on my life, too. If there was a possibility of it happening, I want to ensure that I'll be able to at least protect myself in some way or another.  I know that people have rational and irrational fears. I'm not entirely sure why death is something I'm constantly worried about, but I know that if that time comes, I want to make sure that I say the things I need to with the people I love. I don't necessarily believe that dreams are just meaningless neural impulses but I don't necessarily believe that it's completely symbolic... I just need to watch what I do and make sure that I'm doing what's best for myself.