As far as being either religious or not; I'm more agnostic than anything. I do believe in the spirit realms and superstitious stuff. I tend to overthink things that may not even exist. I'm not completely sure about the whole apocalypse thing because I've heard it so many times that it's just become a holiday. I normally just say things like "How did you spend your Doomsday?" Of course, I say it jokingly but it doesn't hurt to keep to oneself and still think it may be a possibility. I don't want to be completely skeptical of it. I'm sure there's a butt ton of people posting things regarding the apocalypse like there's no tomorrow but I'll just keep it simple for those who just want to read the portion to where it pertains to my transition.
Many people are rushing to do the things that they haven't done. In times of desperation, people do a lot of stupid things. It's giving me some time to think of my life as far as it's been. I know I'm one of the few privileged who is an adult, lives with their parents and can get anything if I just asked. Not many people have that opportunity. Other than wishing that I have the things that would make my everyday life more enjoyable, I found that the only thing I really wanted was to rid of social norms by genetic expectations (like when women only work in the kitchen while men drink, scratch, burp, etc.) and to rid of pronouns.
Although I can't speak for the world when I say stuff like that, I hoped to voice out the things I can do for myself in order to respect others in a way that makes them feel comfortable. Being out for almost four or five months, I've come to realize how crucial it is to be expressed a certain way. I've realized that for the longest time when I was a child, I was homophobic and I never knew what it was. Not that I hated anyone or anything but I found it funny, for some odd reason, to joke about things like that. I've become the person that I've made fun of and I never given myself the chance to even accept at such a young age. Since when did making fun of something that wasn't necessarily understood funny?
I want to be able to ask people directly "Who do you define as: Neutral, Female or Male?" and not regret that I've disrespected someone in some way or another. That may be part of my New Year's Resolution along with losing weight, eating less meats, exercising more and saving enough money for a new legit binder.
In other news, I went to the men's bathroom with my partner. There were other guys there so I was mainly scared of anyone else in there saying or doing something to me. I know she would have done something if it did arise but this is a battle of fear that I need to overcome. She was right about one thing though: they can't aim for piss. Until I have my... "parts" I'll just hover over the toilet than sit. Don't want to catch anything communicable. I guess that's all in due time. As much as I hate waiting, it'll give me time to understand and assimilate to the male presentation.
It may or may not be the end of the world but I will make the extra effort to live everyday like there might not ever be another again. Be respectful to others, be considerate and change myself internally for the best. It's a journey within itself but that's something I'm going to have to commit to.
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