So these last few months, I have thought about Testosterone but I have thought more about growth hormones since I knew I couldn't grow passed five feet. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I couldn't do anything more than just drink and eat dairy products to help me grow but the only thing that was growing was my constipation (this was around the time of freshman year of high school). I wanted to be at least a six foot racecar driver when I was little but I mean, what are the chances of that?
All of my schooling career, I was ridiculed due to my height and because of my clothing. I wasn't proud of myself. Not even remotely proud. I could never have the clothes I wanted because it cost too much money and that was money I never had nor would I ever. That was when getting one hundred bucks was so much for a kid. It pissed me off when I used to get called "squirt" or "little Nicky" by people that I didn't like. It offended me; it wasn't my fault that I was born a hobbit.
I'm still considering all of my options due to my medical conditions, which I can op out of and how much it costs. It's good that I consider everything I can.
This week is my last week of the fall term. I haven't been worrying about finals now that I realized that it's somewhat like high school except that there are people who are varied in age. I've also come to realize that I should be nice to people no matter what. Or even bring my personal life into the environment because it'd make a bad impression on me. Because I don't know who would interview me for a job or who would want to actually make friends with me. I don't have really any adult friends because I'm just a 18 year old boy. What would I even do? Understand? Empathize? I don't have a kid, my own place to live; I can't understand on any of those levels. I don't particularly like making friends with peers or people who are younger with me because they aren't at a comprehensive level as I am. Not saying that I'm smarter, just that I have things I know are going on with my life and I have to be able to prioritize and be responsible. It's just hard to relate to people who haven't done the same stuff as I have. Which makes me think if that's why I don't have any adult friends... Well, it doesn't mean that I can't be nice!
I suppose it takes time to make friends who you would actually enjoy being around but I wish it'd be sometime soon.
Being as bluntly honest, I haven't been eating as healthy as I used to. The longest I've been a vegetarian is about four or five months. I could do it again but I want to be well prepared, once more. I have got myself some recipes from books and from the internet that are strictly vegetarian. I'm going to try again. I don't know when but I know my knees and back can't take the weight anymore. It's good that my dad is helping me and trying to get me involved with these work outs. I'm not good with making myself motivated but as long as I get frozen yogurt in the end, I am a very happy elephant!
I guess things are going rather well... I'm just trying to live life and try to get things done and settled. I think my mum gets the impression that I'm a cross dresser but I'd rather have her think of that than know that I am a boy on the inside. Well, I'll leave it at that! I need to go to the store and pick up shampoo. I'll give some time for me to find something to blog about next time!
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